I did so much to try and make her happy, but she refuses to acknowledge that. I have sacrificed all for him, and now he is showing his true colors. The game of blame. That not only kills a beautiful relationship but creates hatred between two lovers. Why those who were in deep love suddenly found that everything was wrong with each other and the relation? Let us look at a deep relationship. In such a relationship, everything is ours. It is neither yours nor mine. Its all ours. Even if one partner blunders, the other partner supports him/her. Same with joy. Both experience the joy of each others achievements. The fissure in the ‘ours’ to ‘me and you’ gives rise to the beginning of the blame game.

When the love breaks and blames start going to and fro, the need is to stop and reflect. Has the relationship gone beyond repair? Is the relationship giving more pain than pleasure? Are the partners sticking to each other to find someone to blame for their failures? If all this is answered in yes, then the partners should talk about it and get help from a counsellor and decide to separate if that makes their life better.

Why do we blame somebody else? Sometimes the other person is responsible for what might have gone wrong, and sometimes, we find the other person a easy target to release our frustration. In a relationship that is nurturing, even if one partner has blundered, the other will support him/her. Rather than taking the accusing tone, it will be a tone of understanding and being together. This turns to accusations only after the relationship suffers a break. To understand blames, one should look at the relationship in deep and find out if the same blame would have been put in the beginning of the relationship. If not, what changed? There lies the clue to blame game.

In personal relationships, we are not supposed to punish the other person in any way for whatever fault. At the most, we have the freedom to move away if we find that our partner keeps on repeating destructive behavior. We should either move away or come together again. To continue with the blame game and living together will not produce any result other than pain. Blames are not the disease but the symptom of the disease that is hurting your relationship.

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