Cheating most often destroys a marriage. There are few people who can go back to pre-cheating ways after cheating is caught. The foundation of marriage is trust. Once the sacred trust is broken, it is difficult to mend the relationship. Are there no ways to get forgiveness? Agreed that your spouse must be feeling shattered. If they can forgive you probably they may also gain some sanity back in their life. What can be done to get forgiveness? Let us discuss.

1. Talk it out: This is the primary step towards mending your marriage. You have to tell your spouse the real reason of your cheating. Is it emotional or physical? Was it out of a fling or do you seriously have some issues with your spouse that needs to be sorted? Unless your spouse knows the real cause of your cheating, you will never get his/her forgiveness.

2. Change your ways: If the reason for your having cheated is really flippant, then start correcting your ways. Some people cheat because of no real reason – some sexual attraction elsewhere or just for the heck of it. It is easy to be distracted and lose focus. If you really want to get back in your marriage, begin with promising your partner a dramatic alteration in your ways.

3. Say it through action: After some time passes, start giving your wronged partner hints through actions of how much you want them back – through gifts, cards or a conversation at the end of each day or even just a sorry. These small looking actions will come together and build trust in your partner.

4. Sincerely apologize and take responsibility: If you really mean you’re sorry, look him/ her into the eye and say so. Show your spouse that you fully understand the consequence of your actions and that you take full responsibility for them. Tell them that you are re-committing to them and set an ultimatum of what may be done in case of even the slightest issue from your side (whether cheating related or not) that may ever occur again.

5. Point towards the future than to the past: Show your spouse hope for the future of your marriage. Tell them how you have always imagined the future with them and what plans you have made for the both of you and your children (if any). Make your partner believe that you see him/her growing old gracefully with you and that your cheating was a terrible incident.

6. Don’t offer excuses: This can spell a total disaster in an already worse situation. Don’t try to dole out factors, reasons, or excuses. Don’t tell or even pass on a hint to your spouse that if they had made you happy and fulfilled, you wouldn’t have cheated.

7. Be patient to rebuild their trust: Your cheating on your partner may not be a big deal for you but for them, it means a shattered world. It’s going to be difficult, almost impossible for them to completely forget your infidelity. But have faith and show them patience. If your spouse taunts you about your cheating, stay calm and accept it instead of reacting. Forgiveness needs time.

8. Communicate in front of witnesses: This would be one gutsy decision but it would really mean the world to your spouse on who you have cheated. Gather a bunch of your extremely close friends with whom the both of you share everything with. And make all your apologies and confessions in front of them. The fact that you have the courage to admit your cheating in front of your friends will go a long way in restoring your spouse’s faith in you and the marriage itself.

9. Bring back the romance: Most cases of marriage cheating are because the romance between couples disappears in thin air. Try and bring the romance back gently. Make an attempt to tell your partner through your actions that it was probably the lack of romance that led to your having cheated on him/her – do this very carefully without making it look like an excuse.

10. Accept your partner’s demands: If you want to get back with your spouse, you will have to listen to all their demands. If he/she suspects a certain person with whom you have been cheating, he/she might ask you to start scheduling your day in a completely different way so that you may not end up meeting your ‘ex-lover’. Your spouse may make clandestine calls to your friends or secretary to know about your whereabouts or may. If this is their route of re-building trust, let them make any demands that they want to and you should humbly accept.

Don’t make constant attempts to ‘make’ them forgive you. It can’t be demanded, it has to be earned. Apologize in earnest and leave the rest to God. Give your spouse enough reason to believe that the marriage needs to live on.

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